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| @The Rising Womxn Zine |
Written by Stephanie Anjo (she/her) for The Rising Womxn Zine
Having endured persistent acne for around 8 years and the negative feelings which arose from this, I feel it is a significant topic which is seldom addressed in regards to mental health.
Whilst my acne has never been ‘severe’, it was incessant from the age of about 12 until recently, I am now 20. Following a course of Accutane, my skin has almost completely cleared (for me this was a last resort and I am not advocating it as a cure). Although I feel grateful for this, to my surprise it has not magically fixed insecurities which I thought derived from this. Instead, I feel that these fixations have transferred to other aspects of myself. It is an issue which has dominated my lifestyle and to a very lesser extent, some of the behaviour I adopted during this time is still present. In some ways, it feels therapeutic to write this article. These are thoughts which, as with a lot of people, I have internalised.
Unfortunately, acne and mental health problems may come hand in hand for some people. Not only does it have a physical presence, perhaps even more detrimental is the psychological impact. I can only speak from my feelings and conversations with other people, however, I have noticed that there seems to be an obsessive hole that you can fall into. The abundance of information, facilitated by the internet, can lead to a fixation on how to ‘improve’ your skin- at the detriment of your sanity. This was predominantly in the form of youtube videos for me at a young age. I have most likely watched every video there is on the topic, including titles such as, 'how I fixed my acne with my diet', 'how to get rid of acne in 10 days' and 'DIY remedies for acne' (this often included me putting toothpaste or honey on my face). This, in turn, leads you to try every single thing out of desperation. I have tried antibiotics, over the counter gels, overloading my face with Sudocrem, vitamins, herbal remedies, not eating dairy, countless creams etc. Although these resources can be extremely useful, for me it contributed to an unhealthy dissatisfaction with my appearance. Looking back now, I think this is an issue which stems from a lack of control and the unpredictability of acne. It is frustrating not knowing why you are getting spots and it was my attempt to try to regain control, this may also lead some people to behaviours such as compulsive picking. I primarily became fixated on the idea that food was the culprit and stopped eating a lot of things which resulted in me seeking professional help. I can distinctly remember at school being sat next to someone in class and opened my phone to show them something and much to my embarrassment, my last internet search was 'do bananas cause acne?'. I feel grateful to not worry as much about this now and whilst the thoughts are still there, they are less intrusive.
More recently, I feel that this is an issue which has been exacerbated with apps such as Facetune which allow you to blur out your spots and modify your features according to your ideal perception of yourself. This also has the potential to turn into an obsession as you are essentially ‘improving yourself’ without any physical alterations and to go back to my previous point, controlling things which in actuality you do not have much power over such as acne. I think it is important to acknowledge the potency of the internet and social media, especially at an impressionable age. It can be overwhelming with so much information and I feel there should be an awareness that you do not have to follow what each person suggests and it may not necessarily work for you as acne can have many causes. Notably stress, hormones, food intolerance, genetics etc. With this also comes the awareness that not everything on social media will be truthful and it may be highly tailored. I am guilty of this myself. Being a self-critical person, I have only recently started to feel comfortable with posting photos of myself but when I do, a lot of thought has gone into whether I like my appearance in it. Consequently, it is selective.
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| @stephanjodesign for The Rising Womxn Zine |
Another way in which acne may affect your lifestyle is restrictive behaviour: limiting what you eat/drink, having certain rituals you feel you have to do, reducing career choices such as modelling, withdrawing from social activities, avoiding looking at yourself in the mirror, the list is endless. This is something I am still learning to overcome and it is difficult when you are not feeling great in yourself. I have found challenging these thoughts can be helpful, for example: what is the very worst-case scenario that could happen and how likely is it to happen? Sometimes (not always) this can be helpful as the thinking process makes you realise how far fetched your worries can be. There have been many times in the past where I have felt unhappy in my skin and did not want to go somewhere, that is okay too. When your acne reaches a point where it is governing your life choices it can feel as if you are being physically held back by your skin. This can be extremely difficult to rationalise yourself and I have found great comfort in confiding in family and friends.
An insightful video by Celia Edell, a writer for ‘Everyday Feminism’, discusses the pressures surrounding clear skin and how this may feed into wider issues in society. She proposes a range of reasons for this including how there is a lack of representation of successful people who have acne in the media. Edell refers to how a lot of films will reserve the use of acne for “awkward flashbacks to teen years and the geeky friends who are never a love interest”. As such, we may attach negative connotations to skin problems and encourage feelings of undesirability if you have them. Our social norms may reinforce the perception of acne as ‘unclean’ or ‘dirty’, this is further shaped by advertisements which promote clear skin as something you can achieve with ease if you simply ‘splash water on your face’. Speaking from my own experience, this resulted in feeling as though there was something inherently wrong with me. If these products which are being advertised aren’t working, surely it must be something I am doing wrong? In fact, it tends to be the opposite. Those with acne can sometimes be those who are most diligent with their skincare routine.
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| @stephanjodesign for The Rising Womxn Zine |
I have recently finished “Women Don’t Owe You Pretty” by Florence Given (which I am sure most people have read). In this, she touches on the nature of social media and how it can be a useful educational tool when you follow accounts which discuss subjects that you may be less familiar with. In the same way, I have found that actively seeking out social media resources which are aimed at empowering your skin as opposed to ‘fixing’ it has made me feel a sense of comfort when scrolling through these platforms. This is because it detaches the negative connotations surrounding acne and instead promotes feelings of appreciation for oneself. In this way, you may utilise social media in a way which aids a healthy lifestyle as opposed to adding to feelings of dissatisfaction.
Whilst I don't yet feel in a position to post photos of myself without makeup, I have found it encouraging following accounts which do. Some lovely ladies who focus their content on skin positivity include @izzierodgers, @lounorthcote, @sarahskinpositive and @alexandra_breeze.
I think perhaps the main thing I have learnt from this experience is that I have a tendency to fixate on things to do with myself and now that I have achieved what I have wanted for so long, these obsessions have simply manifested into other forms. An awareness of your behaviour is a step forward in feeling better about this and I will not lie to you, the first thing I do when I wake up every morning is still to check the mirror to see if any spots have appeared!
If you feel that this is a topic which you would like to discuss further or you have experienced any of these things yourself and want to have a chat, please feel free to email me at stephanieanjomedia@gmail.com or via Instagram: @stephanjodesign.
References:
https://dermnetnz.org/topics/psychological-effects-of-acne/
https://everydayfeminism.com/2017/02/pressure-clear-skin-feminist-issue/
“Women don’t owe you pretty” by Florence Given
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